Church 'N Statement

Mission: Cruise

Based on popular response, I have decided to republish this MySpace post on my new blog, so the world can see it. Let it be known that there are others out there who are pro-TC (though the jury's still out on SB).

May 3, 2006:

Everybody says I love TC. That's Tom Cruise, aka: Maverick. That can't be further from the truth. How could I love somebody that I don't know? I haven't even seen every single one of his movies, including Cocktails, more than four times each.

I don't understand the infatuation that everybody has with my supposed infatuation with this on-screen deity. I could only categorize this entire situation as a farce, with myself unfairly thrust into the Rosie O'Donnell role of unchecked idolitry.

I resent this. And will prove you all wrong.

For one thing, it is nearly 4:30pm, May 3. The New York debut of Mission Impossible III is all but unfolding and Scientology shaman Charlie Babbit is not a dozen blocks up from the site of my inarguably unfullfilling job as I write this. I could be among the scads of journos and skittish teenage mobs outside the MTV Times Square studios just waiting to catch a glimpse of our favorite leading Lilliputian, but NO...

It's time for me to take a stand and say once and for all that I am not in, nor have I EVER loved Tom Cruise. Perhaps we would get along fine over a pint of Bass. Perhaps if he offered to pick up a nice dinner at one of his favorite swanky Big Apple haunts, I would accept. Maybe he would pass me an L. Ron pamphlet and I would consider joining. He might mention Suri is in need of a godfather, and I would be honored. I hear they're still looking for a costar in The Last Samuri 2?? Sign me up, and I won't even demand the 30% back-end he requires.

I'm straying from the point, which is that I do not know this man, and would fain to know him as I would any of my fellow man so laced with intrigue. He stands on his own as a seminal figure in pop culture past, present - and, sure to be, future. He is politically much more refined than your typical Clooney or Penn or Gere. He kicks the baby smooth asses of pampered Walker and Diesel. He has proven time and again that, over time, one's image has the inevitable shelf life enslaved by radioactive decay. To be susceptible to this is the very definition of being human.

In the image of Tom Cruise I see the reflection of my own humanity.

Why does Tom Cruise threaten you so? And why does my infatuation with him threaten you so? (Supposed infatuation, I might clarify.)

What has he done to justify your vehemence? And what have I done, but stand up to the truth that he is not just a pretty face, but a rousing thespian? In the athletic realm, nobody challenges the utility of attractive male sportsmen. Is Kobe not a prevalent baller in spite of his movie star looks? Jeter is stunning, so his four rings do not exist, the stones of which have retreated to their Sierra Leone mines??

Let's celebrate the captivating presence of this Cruise and assess his abilities solely according to such captivation. How else could you have scrolled down this far?

You are undeniably captivated and can no longer condemn this actor's transcendence!

posted by Stand-up Chris @ 11:16 AM